Been a kinda weird day today. Was feeling really shit this morning for some reason. Must be hormonal...or just a fucking loon. So, decided to get some body art. Usually folk drink to feel better, or phone a friend, or go for a run... Not me. I go and get tattooed. Someone oughta lock me up before I do damage.

Was checking my e-mail earlier and noticed some piss friends requests from a well known group/interaction/write a lot of shit site. I thought it was a good idea at the time to join. Another one of my mad moments I guess cause it's totally garbage. Just an excuse for folk to plug their shit music and tell all about their sordid fantasies. I don't suppose it was set up to be like that but that's what it has become.

Anyways, into my last week of my hol from work. Getting seriously depressed about going back because I've been hearing our spineless bosses have been shaking their stick again. The management in my work have no backbone whatsoever but they do, however, like to exercise their vocal chords on a regular basis by talking bollocks. Anyone with the slightest amount of responsibility where I work morphs in to an idle fuckwit with no concept of reality. So glad I'm moving department soon although it's the same across the board.

I need to chill.

I haven't died you know. You would think I had though. Obviously couldn't be bothered posting anything for the past year and a half or so.

Got a new job. Doesn't start til August though...thankfully. If I'm being honest, I'm a bit apprehensive about the whole thing. I guess it's just the whole change thing, I've been in my job for 5 years this year so it'll be kinda weird. Hey ho, time to move on and do something worthwhile.

I've been behaving myself...kinda. Had a thing with someone and I think it maybe went a but further than it should have. It's horrible when feelings get involved. You know, I tell people that I'm a heartless f***er but they don't believe me until it's far too late. I think I need to stop fucking about with people feelings. Maybe I'm finally getting some morales...or not. You know what it is actually? I do have feelings. I pity people. I need to stop that.

I've been left alone for the next two weeks. FUCK. I need to get into a drunken stupor and not leave the house. God, what a life. I was meant to have company tomorrow night but I've had to cancel. Someone has found out they are pregnant and basically shouldn't be. As you can maybe imagine, her head is someone between her bowels and her stomach at the moment. I can't say anything that will change the situation so I'd better just keep my mouth shut. I'm no agony aunt but people seem to think I'll be able to wave a magic wand everything will be fab. Not so.

I need a beer.

God, my life is sooo complicated. I had to eventually end it with someone and it was really difficult. He's not been taking it too well and it's completely understandable. We were great one minute and then I had a brain freeze, as I usually do, and just didn't want it anymore. I seem to go through phases where I'm really intense and passionate about something and then it just stops. I have no idea what it is, maybe I'm just totally weird?

Anyway, I ended up going out with a girl the other weekend and it seemed to go down the route of...well, what can I say.....?? Ok, I ended up staying the night with her and, although I don't regret it, I probably shouldn't have.

I'm getting myself into situations at the moment that I shouldn't. I have someone texting me on a regular basis who wants something from me - or with me - and the situation that surrounds it isn't right. I can't really go into it but all I can say is it's too close to home. WHY DO I DO THIS??

If I was to reflect on everything that has happened in the past 18 months I would probably end up on sedatives. I'm the type of person who's only happy when it rains and seem to get a kick out of fucking people up in the process.

And I wonder why I get called "ICE MAIDEN"....

Hey ho. Halfway through the weekend already. How depressing.

Managed to squeeze in some retail therapy today (well, yesterday now seeing how it's midnight which technically means it's now Sunday) which done the job nicely. No sure my Bank Manager will agree but who really cares? Had to start my Christmas shopping anyway because if I leave it I'll be running about on Christmas Eve trying to get everything. Not good for my stress levels. I've also got lots of birthdays coming up before Christmas which is a bit of a pisser. Managed to sort most of them out today also. Hey, my birthday is in December which can be shit. No one's got any money left so I get half the presents that I would have got if I had been born in June. Not that I'm ungrateful...

My diet has been really crap. Will power is non-existent at the moment. Must go to the gym tomorrow and work off all the nonsense I've been filling my face with. Either that or book an appointment with my surgeon...now there's an idea...

I was feeling kinda shit tonight. Got a nice text from someone I know and I've been nothing but a git to them for the past few months over something really stupid. I guess we maybe got a bit too close and I decided to stir things up a bit - as I do. Tactless, blunt, in your face...that's me.

Anyway, I think it's time for my bed becuase I'm going to attempt to drag my lazy self up at a reasonable time so I can go to the gym. Watch this space...

Got back from Newcastle yesterday. Fab weekend, such a difference from the norm. I have to say that people in Newcastle are so much nicer and friendlier than anyone I've met here! Definately go back soon.

Back to work today. Oh what joy! I better get my ass back to the gym this week as well. Me and my mate stuffed our faces at the weekend because we both chucked the diet for our drinking spree. God I feel fat.

Just been phoning about for car insurance. Runs out on the 31st of the month so I really should get it sorted. Got a quote for 375 quid which is the best yet. Think I may just go with that.

Right, I'm going to get off my backside now and get some things done in the house.

Went to the gym today. God it's hard work! I ended up booking a Body Combat class for 9.30am tomorrow. That's wrong for a Sunday.

I was also at the cinema today seeing Howl's Moving Castle. What a weird film. It was a bit long and confusing? Not the best for kids.

Going to Newcastle next weekend with my mad mate. Just trying to get tickets for a train, bloody expensive though. It'll be a fab night out, make a big change from the usual haunts. Wahey, watch out, here we come!

I've not been as strict as last week as far as my diet is concerned. Guaranteed I've put on weight instead of losing it. I was at an exercise class this morning, it wasn't too strenuous but I'll be sore tomorrow all the same. Good thing is my gym membership starts back up tomorrow so I can attempt to get in some shape. Just have to find some motivation now...now where did I put it...?

Had a death in the family yesterday. It's horrible because there are a lot of circumstances which make it complicated and horrible. I always said life is too short to hold grudges and you end up regretting things when it's too late. I suppose some people don't listen though and you have to take and step back and let them get on with it.

I'm off on annual leave as of tonight for a few days which is well needed. My friend is coming to see me, I don't get to see her much as she lives nearly 200 miles away from me. It's sad really because I grew up with her, we went to nursery together and then all through school. I suppose people have to move on though. Change can be a good thing but at the same time it's upsetting.

Anyhoo, got shopping to do (not the fun kind) so I better get off my ass and get moving.