Hey, back again and feeling human today.

I'm going back to work today after 2 weeks holiday. How depressing. Why does holidays always seem to go by so quickly? Blink and you bloody miss it.

I haven't actually been doing anything to write about since last time, well, nothing that interesting anyway. I could have really done with booking a flight to somewhere and disappearing for a month or two. I haven't been abroad for what seems like a lifetime and it's now cracking me up big time. That's it then, my next mission is to attempt to stop buying shoes for long enough to save some money and then I can piss off somewhere. That is one of my vices (and probably my biggest). Shoes. I cannot resist the temptation and lure of shoes. I have hundreds of them, most of which have never been worn. What's the point in that I hear you say? The point is that, maybe one day, I might buy an outfit that will match perfectly with one of my many pairs of shoes. Doesn't mean that I will never wear them (although I really am not very good on a night out in 5 inch heels). I have to say that if I am ever feeling shit or depressed, buying shoes is the best cure I have came across yet. Better than Prozac.

Talking about feeling shit, I felt a bit crap the other day. I met my ex boyfriend through my friend I was out with on Saturday. We were together for just over 3 years and it was one of they exremely intense relationships where you live and breathe each other. I was only 19 years old when I met him so it was pretty full on for being so young. It ended due to me turning into a complete arsehole. I obviously started to panic with the whole joined at the hip thing and started being really nasty to him. It was so unjustified because he was such a nice person, not only extremely good looking, but he was also a contender for personality of the year. I guess this is where my 'Ice Maiden' title started because all my family and friends loved him and couldn't quite understand why I was being such a bastard to him. Neither could I? I have brain freeze moments where it seems like I do things just to see how much I can get away with - how much I can fuck someone up and see if they'll still come crawling back. God, I hate that. Anyway, he got married last month. I guess I knew that would happen but didn't actually realise how bad I would feel when it did. Yeah ok, "Just Desserts". I can't turn the clock back and I can't change how I feel so I guess I'll just wallow in self pity for another month or two. I do hope he's happy though, God knows he deserves it.

I'm going to end on that note.

What a day I've had. I'm so hungover from last night. My mate, Louise, has just came back from America after 3 months doing kiddie camp so we went to the pub. I think it was only meant to be a quiet drink but didn't quite turn out that way. Ended up going into town and can't really remember the rest?? That's actually quite shocking.

Anyhoo, I was ice skating today with my mate, Kerry, and her two kids. I haven't been skating for about 10 years so I was a bit ropey! Her 6 year old kid did a hell of a lot better than me! I'm going to blame the hangover rather than admitting that I'm just plain crap at it.

Talking of kids, I am now definately an Ogre Aunt. Claire has two boys, a 6 year old and a 3 year old, and it has now become the norm that when they are playing up I'm sent to sort them out. Its getting to the stage where instead of threatening them with the "Jaggy Jumper Home", Claire can now threaten them with me. I must be such a horror.

I don't think I can type anymore just now, I'm peering through one eye at at the moment and trying so hard not to write in Swahili.

I shall be back.

So, this is the beginning of my rambling. I better give you a few words about myself to start of with.

I have been called Ice Maiden by quite a few of my friends over the years due to having a very "un-girly" attitude to feelings I guess. Mind you, I've also been called Dragon Lady due to having a bit of a fiery temper (especially if you wake me up!). I'm not painting a very good picture of myself am I? I aint all that bad, just don't experience feelings like jealousy, guilt, sympathy... No, sorry, think I may have put that wrong. What I mean is I choose not to be consumed with feelings like that. I have the view that what is going to happen will happen regardless of how you feel about it. There is no point ending up in therapy or a psychiatric unit because you can't control a situation and go overboard with feeling too much about it. Am I making sense? Ok, for example, lets say you are jealous of another woman/man and think your other half is going to run off with them. What's the point in wasting your life away feeling awful and shit because if they are going to leave you they will...no matter how you feel. Hey, we are all born as one person so why do we all think we can't cope without someone else?

Right, I think you have probably now got completely bored or you're thinking "what the hell is this mad woman going on about?" Bit heavy duty.

Anyway, to change the subject a bit, I have just been watching the "100 Best Screen Kisses" on Sky One (bugger all else on tele so I thought it might be slightly amusing). I cannot believe that they had the Britney/Madonna snog at number 3 and a stupid bloody kiss from "The Office" at Number 1! Who the hell makes up these polls? Come on people, if you were to rate a screen kiss surely it wouldn't be that one?? Personally, I would have thought it would have been some soppy movie kiss like "Titanic" or "Love Actually" that got the No 1 spot.

When I was watching that awful programme, I had a really stupid thought about my first kiss. I can remember being about 10 or 11 years old - last year at primary school. Anyway, a group of us were playing a game like "kiss, cuddle or torture" or something equally as bad and I ended up catching one of the best looking boys in my class (who was also one of my best mates). I just about died off when he said he wanted a kiss! It's one of they images that stay firmly in your memory and you can smile about years later. It wasn't that bad but I remember feeling all grown up because I had properly kissed someone, the same as what they done on TV that made you get all embarrassed in front of your parents! Oh how sad.

Right, think I've rambled on enough for one day so I'm now going to go hide.